Hiding From Reality
by AwesomeJellyBean
Summary: Just a bunch of shitty things that I've written to make me feel better. Yes, I'm in it, it has no plot, other than Connor being with a trans pretty boy (ehem, me) in various situations. Some are dark, some are decent, but all are pretty shitty. Rating is just in case. First chapter contains suicidal thoughts, and other chapters will contain equally...bad? themes.
1. Happy Birthday

**Disclaimer- I do not own the Assassin's Creed series because if I did, then you can bet your ass there would be female protags in the next game, amongst other things. In my mind, however, I am Connor Kenway's one and only. If you wanna fight about it, bring it on. **

**Also, a quick warning- This fic contains an OC that is literally just me, because this is just me writing fantasies that I use to basically hide from reality. This first bit is heavily referencing suicidal thoughts. **

It was almost midnight, and he still hadn't gone to bed.

This was very unlike him, especially considering what day it was going to be tomorrow, and what was planned.

Connor thought that it was best to check up on him, just in case.

He found him sitting on the floor, writing in his venting notebook.

He frowned, as that did not bode well.

"Joey? What's wrong?" The Native asked, his soft voice stopping Joey's pencil almost immediately.

"I'm not quite sure. I was okay, but then, suddenly, I just-"

He took a shaky breath, and held a hand to his chest.

"I'm sorry, Connor. I'm such a selfish prick. I'll try harder, I promise!"

The tinier man's voice began to crack as he began to cry.

He hugged himself, and trembled like a leaf in a storm.

Connor was soon at his side, holding him close, and whispering soft words to him.

This was not the first time this had happened.

'And it probably won't be the last.' Connor thought sadly as he rubbed Joey's back comfortingly.

After a few minutes like this, he calmed down a bit.

His breaths were shaky, and fragile, betraying just how broken the small man was, but it didn't take him too long to somewhat compose himself.

For the time being, that is.

They sat there for a while, quiet, until the buzzing of Joey's cell shattered the silence.

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TIN-TIN_

"It's Kristen. My moirail." Joey stated, his voice starting to crack again.

It was exactly midnight when the text came through- they probably waited to send the text at just the right time.

Connor smiled.

"Happy birthday, Joey." He said softly.

The young man choked out a sob before crying again, but this time, he wasn't so sad.

He wasn't alone as he thought-

No, he was far from it.

It really was a happy birthday.


	2. Shopping Woes

**Based off of what my friend, Jaz, thought of. This is what Connor and I would probably argue about. **

"Joey, no." Connor dead panned the moment the tiny Asian man returned with his arms full of glitter pens and toy dinosaurs.

"But Connor they're on sale!" He protested.

"We already have enough at the house. Especially glitter pens. You just hoard them. No, no more."

"But Connooooooooor!" Joey whined.

"No, and that's final. Why don't you go spend your money on something better? Like a new pair of shoes."

He pointed to Joey's tattered converse.

"We're not at the mall though. I only buy converse once every few years, and they're always so expensive."

Connor rolled his eyes.

"Only because you always get the limited edition ones from Journeys. Why not get a pair of plain ones?" He reasoned.

"Because those are only cheaper by a few dollars and they're boring! Plus, no one compliments those. I only get compliments for cool converse that have Joker or Wonder Woman on them. Though, they might have the space ones in stock for once..." Joey trailed off.

Connor let out a frustrated huff.

"Why are you so concerned about something like that? They're just shoes!"

"Because I am the prettiest boy, and as such, I have a reputation to uphold. But, if it'll make you happy, I'll put the dinos and pens away." Joey conceeded, much to Connor's delight.

It wasn't often that he got his way concerning Joey's freaky obsession with toy dinosaurs and glitter pens.

"Thank you."

Joey smiled, and nodded, before walking off to return his items to where they belonged.

"Oh! And before I forget- no crayons, either!" Connor called out.

He could hear Joey's cry of despair quite clearly, despite the distance, and sighed.

He would never understand that boy.


	3. Cosplay

**Also based off of something my friend thought of. I don't actually have a Karkat cosplay though. Too busy spending my money on dress shirts. XXD**

**Mention of Homestuck and San japan in the chapter.**

"Hey, Joey, wha-" Connor trailed off once he saw Joey.

He was wearing a black shirt with a grey Cancer symbol on it, grey pants, a headband with what looked like giant candy corn glued on, and was currently putting on some sort of grey face paint.

"What's up, Connor?" Joey asked casually as he continued to apply the make up.

"What are you doing?" Connor couldn't help but ask.

"Cosplaying a character from a webcomic that I like." Joey stated simply as if it were something normal, which it was, in his eyes.

"Why?"

"Because San Japan is in a few weeks, and I want to test out this new make up stuff. I heard that it's better than what I usually use."

"San Japan?"

It clicked after a while.

"That convention that you're so excited about?"

"Yup."

"Oh. Um, okay then. I guess I'll leave you to it."

The Native man slowly retreated, only to be stopped in place.

"What did you need?" Joey asked, turning to him with half of his face painted grey.

"It's fine. I'll just figure it out on my own."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive." Connor assured.

"Okay then." Joey replied, not believing him. "Just call me if you need anything. I'm not really that busy right now."

"I'll, um, keep that in mind. Good luck on your...costuming?"

"Cosplaying." he corrected. "And thanks!"

"Yeah..."

'Such a strange boy.' Connor thought as he left Joey to his...cosplaying.

He doubted that he would ever really understand the boy or his strange hobbies.

At least, not entirely.


	4. Arcade Games and Prizes

**Contains Ezio and Fredrico from AC2. I get really shouty and angry when I'm at arcades because I suck so bad at the games that give out tickets.**

**I mention my moirail, Kristen, in this. They are perfection.**

**BANG**

"Dammit! Too high!"

**BANG**

"Not again dammit!"

**KA-THUNK**

"FINALLY!"

Connor couldn't help but chuckle at Joey trying to play Ice Ball.

The boy really didn't know his own strength, and oh was it funny to watch him play this game.

"Oh great only 3 tickets how wonderful." He mumbled sarcastically once the game had ended.

Ezio and Fredrico just burst out laughing, and Joey's face turned beet red.

"Oh shut up you hussies!" He snapped.

"Language, amico." Ezio warned playfully.

Joey only grumbled in response before stomping off to the only game that he was really good at.

Well, that he was good at and could win tickets off.

Which was a game usually played by little kids.

The most tickets he had gotten off of it was around 26.

Yeah, he sucked at most arcade games, unlike Ezio who would somehow end up getting 500 tickets after playing for maybe 3 minutes.

Connor, on the other hand, was in between the two. He could earn a decent amount of tickets, but would often play to shooter games that wouldn't award tickets, so he wouldn't really get that many.

Which was fine by him, since he really didn't see any appeal in the prizes.

Wait...

They had toy dinosaurs as some of the cheaper prizes.

Dammit.

Connor sighed, resigned to the fact that Joey would probably return with more toy dinosaurs for his hoard.

"75 tickets?! Finally!"

He heard Joey shout happily.

Yep.

Definitely more dinos.

It got even worse when he ended up somehow winning 500 tickets at some spin-the-wheel game.

"EAT THAT, AUDITORE!" Joey screeched, pointing a long, slender finger at the Italian.

"I have 500 more than you."

Joey screamed.

Sensing that he would most likely try to beat that, and end up getting all of the dinosaurs, Connor intervened.

"The stuffed animals in that crane game look easy to get, Joey. And I do believe that I saw a duck in there."

Joey's eyes went wide, and his eyes instantly locked onto the crane machine.

He studied it closely, and nodded.

There were a lot of loose plushies in there, and many looked very easy to get, which probably meant that the claw was on a very weak setting.

It was a small claw, too, so the bigger plush owls would be nearly impossible to grab, and would mostly just act as obstacles for the smaller plushies.

And yes, there were small plush ducks that looked rather...scary, as well as a few dinosaur plushies, and some froggies.

Perfect.

The crane ended up eating all of Joey's remaining credits, but he got a duck and a frog out of it, but it was okay.

No dinosaur, much to Connor's relief.

"That duck looks scary!" Ezio commented.

Joey grinned.

"Yesss, and that's why it's perfect."

He had this inside joke with his best friend and moirail, Kristen, that had to do with him having that weird fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck was watching him.

Originally, when this joke started, he wasn't really that afraid of ducks, but after getting attacked by a few, somehow finding something duck-like almost everywhere he went, and after watching a documentary on ducks and their disturbing penises, he was a bit freaked out by them.

So he would collect rubber duckies and duck plushes.

Luckily, he didn't have that many, especially compared to his toy dinosaur collection, and the rubber ducks were actually used, and quite varied.

By him.

And also by Connor, but he would never admit to it.

"Welp, I'm satisfied. I guess it's time to get prizes." Joey stated, feeling very pleased with himself.

He ended up getting five small dinos, three bigger ones, 7 bracelets, a sort of stress ball duck who's eyes popped out when you squeezed it, 2 bouncy balls, 2 green army men, and a plush zombie head.

Connor checked his card, and, to his surprise, he had well over 600 tickets.

Enough to get that plush wolf.

He eyed it, not quite sure whether or not he should get it.

"Get it. I know you want to." Joey said, grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary.

The Native man thought about it for a moment more, before getting it.

He would probably end up sleeping with it.

Adorable.


	5. Helpless

**I just shat this out in my gross feelings. There's mention of my last relationship in here, and yes, I am still struggling to recover from it.**

**Also, I am not exaggerating the effects it has had on my physical and mental health AT ALL, and honestly, that's...really troubling, to say the least.**

Another late night, or, rather, ridiculously early morning.

It was around 2:30 AM, and he was awake.

He couldn't sleep- not with the thoughts racing through his head.

He was thinking about _him _and _her_.

It made him sick to his stomach, and angry, and so many other things.

He just wanted it all to stop.

He didn't feel like digging up his venting notebook-

Honestly, with his current thoughts, that was for the better.

He knew what could happen if such thoughts found their way into the hands of the wrong person.

He would probably end up in an asylum, and he did not have time for that, even though it would honestly do him good to admit himself to a hospital.

He hated it.

Hated these thoughts, hated feeling this way.

And Connor knew.

He was such a smart, sweet man.

He knew what Joey was like- both before and after _the incident_.

He didn't get mad at Joey- rather, he would get mad at the ones he deemed responsible for his friend's current state of mind.

Joey knew this, but even so, when Connor would make even an angry or frustrated huff, he would flinch, expecting him to be mad at the tiny, hurt man.

Foolish, but even so, it was still his automatic response.

'He hates me. He's tired of me. He thinks that I'm weak. He'll leave me.'-

This is what Joey would think so often, even though Connor had made it clear that all of the thoughts were false.

And all Joey would have in response would be apologies.

He would always apologize, even though it wasn't his fault.

He apologized when _he _cheated on him- he believed that it was his fault.

Now that,

That pissed Connor off.

And _his _response pissed him off even more.

_"If you really are sorry, then stop apologizing."_

Oh, how he wanted to find that snake, and bury his tomahawk into his skull!

It made him so mad- enraged would be a better word for how it made him feel.

Everything about it, from the cause, the bullshit reasons Joey was given, the way it was ended, how Joey found out, who the other guilty partner was-

Every. Single. Thing.

Especially how it affected the sensitive young man.

His heart had gotten worse- much worse, to the point where transitioning was looking to be an impossible feat, his body had become so frail under all of the mental stress, too.

His mind was shattered, and, slowly, his body was fading.

He was so, so skinny now- dangerously underweight, to the point where Connor seriously considered admitting the young man into a hospital.

He would get heart palpitations and panic attacks at least once every day.

Joey, who had once been so strong- a pillar of strength for those dear to him, had been reduced to a pale, sickly creature, so thin, that if the wind blew too hard, it would probably carry him away.

And oh, did it make Connor mad.

_"I still love you."_

Lies.

If _he _truly did love Joey, then he would have never done something so terrible, for who would take the heart of the one they claimed to love, and crush it?

Joey worried Connor so much, for it seemed to him that he would never recover.

He was scared.

Scared that he would die.

Scared that he would die from a broken heart.

It sounded so poetic, so romantic-

Beautiful, one would think, but that was far from the case.

For how could _this_ be beautiful?

The inability to sleep, the refusal of food and drink, the denial of proper care for one's body, the difficulty breathing, the passing out, the irregular beating of the heart, the pain, the madness he could see in his eyes.

How could such a slow, agonizing death be considered beautiful, or poetic, or romantic?

It was hideous, it was chaotic, it was the farthest thing from romantic.

It was heart breaking, to watch someone driven to madness and sooner or later, death, because of an unworthy man whore.

'This needs to end!' Is what Connor wanted to scream out, but he held his tongue.

He knew what would happen if he said that.

He would just make things worse.

It seemed as if there was nothing he could do for his dear friend.

He was powerless to save him.

He could do nothing but watch as he slowly died right before his eyes.

But he mustn't think that way!

He had to at least try to save him!

Connor mustered up the will to call out to him, and coax him to bed.

For now, that was all he could really do, but as insignificant as it seemed to be, it was all Joey needed.

It was all he needed to brave another day living in this world.


	6. Mask

He seemed to be doing quite well, now that he discovered a part of himself.

It turned out that Joey was dragonkin, which did make a lot of sense.

He was a Korean prince, after all, and also acted a lot like what Connor imagined a dragon would act.

The little dragon had been busying himself with trying to figure out what to add to his hoard, which had improved his mood considerably.

He had finally started eating more food than usual- almost full meals.

And yet...

Connor still found him sitting on the floor at late hours, writing in that notebook of his, or sometimes, he'd hear him singing sad songs in a broken voice, or hear him muttering mournfully while playing video games.

Of course, it was all at late hours that he did this.

During the day, he seemed almost the same as he had been before the mess started.

However, this seemed to be only a fragile mask, that would crumble as soon as he was left to face his demons alone.

No longer.

"Joey?" Connor called out to the young man, who was currently sitting at the computer, looking at the uses for certain crystals.

He stopped, exited out, and turned to the Native man.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice...

Connor didn't like how it sounded.

It sounded so...empty, so broken.

Hollow.

"Get some rest. Tomorrow, I'm going to take you out to get more yarn. Then, we can go and get some tumbled stones, and maybe catch a movie at that one theater. You know, the one with really cheap tickets that doesn't smell awful?"

He seemed to perk up a bit, but was too tired to really show it.

"Mm kay." He mumbled, standing from his seat.

He began shuffling silently and surprisingly, quickly, to his room, before stopping just as he reached the door.

"Good night, and thank you, Connor. For everything." He said before walking into his room.

"Good night."

_'And thank you, Joey. For not giving up.'_


End file.
